I might be Jewish, but in my house, Sunday at around 11 am is holier than sundown on Friday. I think some of you are asking right now, why? CUZ FUCKING BRUNCH BITCH! Look, let’s be honest, brunch is the best fucking meal ever invented. I refuse to entertain any other option so if you got a problem, leave now, I won’t judge, but I will hate you.
Moving forward. Sunday brunch in my house is a feast! Mostly because my brain is hungrier than my stomach and I like the idea of having a bajillion fucking items to pick from rather than picking one thing. SO, lets break down a Jewish brunch.
Jewish Brunch (noun):
~ a festival in a meal from where 3 meals are placed on one table.
~ This is manifested by a smorgasbord of choices of bagels, cream cheese, more cheese, pickles, veggies, herbs, sweets, pinched cheeks by old relatives, racist Yiddish phrases, coffee (kaw-fee), cured fish, smoked fish, pickled fish
~ Takes a minimum of 2 hours to complete but can go longer because many times you will get hungry again
Now that we understand the basic idea of what consists of a Jewish Bunch, I’m gonna break down why this is the most loved and hated meal in my house. I like food, I think my readers understand that by now. I like to go “all out”, I think my readers know that by now too. So this meal takes me a few hours to put together because it means going around on Sunday morning and navigating the traffic by shoobies from Philly as they invade my island (Shout out to the Jersey Shore, unless you are a fist-pumping douchebag in which case, I hate you and stop being a scrub).
I go to like five different shops just to get everything together. If one thing is missing, then it’s not the Jewish Brunch that I love. Once everything has been collected, I drive home and pack everyone in the kitchen to start setting the table and toasting bagels. By the time everyone is sitting at the table we are ready to kill each other because we are hungry *AF (*as fuck).
The funny part is that at this time, my family finds it appropriate to tease me about all the ridiculous things I picked up; from hydroponic basil to Belladonna cheese. This happens every time. I love my family, and they are always teasing me about going all out on this, yet at the same time, THEY PILE EVERY STUPID FUCKING THING I PICKED UP ON THEIR FUCKING PLATE!… I think I made my point about that…
So what I did this time is to be the white girl of the house and photograph every plate that each person had to make a point to each one of them that they love this just as much as I do. There is something nice about sitting as a family on Sunday morning and wasting time by eating 3 meals in one. We may tease each other, but we also talk about important things like politics and life or made fun of what the other is wearing. This is my family, the constant push and pull, love and teasing. This is the sign of a good family. This is why I love my family.
Plate’s content: Whole-Wheat everything bagel, cream cheese, Scallions, Dukkah, Smoked Spanish Paprika, Sun-Dried tomatoes, BELLA DONNA CHEESE, onions, cucumbers, avocado, Sable, tomatoes, pickles, Whitefish, BASIL
Father’s Best quotes: “IDK why you bought all this, nobody is gonna eat all of this…” & “Oh, Mary you love Bella Donna!”
Plate’s Owner: Mary (sister)
Plate’s content: Whole-Wheat everything bagel, cream cheese, Scallions, BASIL, sliced tomatoes and Shichimi Tōgarashi
Sister’s Best Quotes: “Wait, wait, everyone wait, Daniel is gonna take a picture of everything first” & “Mom, your bagel looks kinda sad, want me to make it nice?”
Plate’s owner: Daniel (Me)
Plate’s content: Bialy, Herring and Cream sauce, onion, Bella Donna, avocado, basil, tomatoes, Smoked Salmon, Sable
My best Quotes: “can you pass the basil please?” & “What do you mean this is going too all out?”
Sunday Jewish brunch is an indulgence of all the Jewish food everyone likes but can’t always enjoy like smelly fish and the likes. It’s also a time to kick back kind of and spend time with my family. My mom wants to call our time together as “tough love” for a long time I thought it was just an excuse for everyone to kinda be jerks to each other, but now that I am an adult (kinda) I can tell you that if a family can’t tease each other, then they can’t love each other. My family is a tight unit and sometimes when it doesn’t feel like it is, someone makes fun of you for something you didn’t think you could laugh at, but like always, they are always there to remind you how much they are always thinking of you.
Remember, it’s not rocket science, its food porn, bruh.
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