Braised Kale and Italian Meatballs

At every point in a young man’s life, you usually face the realization that you cannot cook. Well its about time to start eating and cooking like a man and not like a bitch so I made Braised Kale with Italian Sausage. Now for all of you bitches who think kale is just a gross, green leaf that white girls put in their shakes after yoga, you are kinda right, because when it’s raw, kale is a very acquired taste because of how hardy of a green it is. Its not like spinach which is often soft and sweet. Spinach is really a dainty green while kale is a man’s green. Its the kind of green a lumberjack eats because kale is hardy fucking healthy and its time you learn to like it.

When it’s cooked, kale is an aromatic and fresh green that is great any time of the year and goes great with hardy meat dishes. To accompany the kale, I paid a visit to Bagliani’s Market in Hammonton, NJ where I picked up some house made meatballs. The meatballs are the true Italian way of making them and you are never gonna find them better than this so you might as well just go buy them for literally less than $10. I like to establish myself in any good ethnic food store because you never know what you are gonna need, and when I walk into Baglianis and my basket is filled with the kinda things only Italian-American foodies look for (Im also not at all Italian), I get asked if I want some “gabagool” which is the Neapolitan dialect of Italian for capicola. Now if you get asked asked if you want some gabagool you say “yes” because without even saying anything, you have been offered a sign of trust and you better take it because so help me God if you say “what?” or “I don’t know what that is?” I’m gonna fucking crack you kneecaps because now you are just some shlub waiting for american cheese and Virginia ham and I do not approve of you.

Now I’m trying to eat a low carb diet since my VSG surgery back in March 14′ and I think I have done ok, but when I’m at school and stress gets the best of me, sometimes I feel the need to indulge. This is the kind of food that keeps me from carbing up because it hearty, filling and healthy. Now it’s not under 500 calories, and it’s probably high in sodium or whatever, but I’m 21 and a senior in college so while I have a small stomach and eat very little I still have the appetite of any guy in college. what I’m just trying to do is find a good balance and share it with my friends. Because of unforeseen circumstances, I am living in an apartment with one of my fraternity brothers for the rest of the summer who admitted that he really doesn’t like kale. I restrained from punching him in the throat long enough to make this dinner so he could eat his apology. Braised Kale with Italian Sausage should be a staple in the young man’s recipe book because its low on carbs, filled with hardy kale which is very healthy for you and has Italian meatballs which I don’t think I need to try to explain to anyone why those are good. On top of it all, its the kind of recipe you need minimal ingredients for and is something you can break out and cook in under 60 minutes when you need to impress the girlfriend (or boyfriend, we don’t judge on this blog) or for the parents when they come and visit. This is the kind of food that makes the ramen eating pizza ordering frat bro turn into a master chef and impress everyone he knows.

Braised Kale and Italian Sausage

House made Italian meatballs



Pirmadonna Forte Black Rind (3 year aged primadona cheese)

olive oil

Salt, pepper, other preferred spices.

1. Cooked the meatballs lightly until the top and bottom is lightly browned. Transfer to a baking sheet and cook at 350*F for 12-15 min flipping once.

2. In the meantime, smash garlic lightly with the bottom of a pan and add to a large pot with enough oil to coat the bottom. Put the pot on the stove over a medium-high heat and let the garlic begin to fry but do not let garlic burn.

4. When the garlic begins to become aromatic add enough kale to fill the pot to the brim. Don worry, it will reduce quickly. Let the kale fry and try to mix gently every minute or so. After 5 minutes, cover the pot and keep covered for 5 minutes. After that, lower the heat to low and keep the pot covered. Mix every 10 minutes until the kale is cooked down, do this twice. Add salt, pepper and any other spices. (For this recipe I added a pinch of sumac because I had some handy and though the cheese would be a nice counter to it.)

5. When the kale is almost finished, add a few diced pieces of cheese and turn the heat off and let sit for 10 to 15 minutes so let everything come together. Grate cheese to desired cut, I recommend large grating.

6. To plate, use tongs to grab a portion of kale from the pot and plate in a so the kale is covering most of the space on the plate, but its too thickly covering the plate. Top with meatballs and sprinkle to cheese to your desired preference.


I really liked this recipe and so did my brother. We both agreed that there was no need for a carb because the combination of the kale and meatballs were very filling. Don be afraid to try new things or add something you think this recipe needs. I did this as such because I happened to have all 6 items in my kitchen. In my opinion, food naturally tastes good, so its important to keep recipes like this on the front of your mind because they are easy, simple, tasty and require minimal ingredients. One last thought, stop eating like a bitch and start eating like a man; embrace kale.

Food Porn, Bruh.


2 Comments Add yours

  1. Rae says:

    Ooo yummy!!!


  2. qutypy says:

    This gave me a mad Soprano flash back….


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