“Fuck Me”. These are two words I said when this plate was placed down in front of me. Ladies and Gentlemen, this is what a Lobster Roll should be. In front of me lay a beautiful synthesis of flavor, texture, smell and sexual arousal. Tucked away just off the main avenue in Stone Harbor is Quahog’s Seafood Shack and for those of us who live in South Jersey, let me tell you something, you don’t need to go to Boston or Kennebunkport to find the best Lobster Roll because it’s in New Jersey.
For those of you non-adventurous eaters or people living under a rock, Lobster Roll is a staple of New England food and culture combining the soft, tender and buttery lobster meat with some mayonnaise and carefully chosen accouterments served on a butter white roll. Now by itself, this is pretty awesome and hard to fuck up, however, when its done well it is a brilliant marriage of flavors and texture that make summer worth remembering.
When you are seated at one of Quahog’s tables with nonmatching chairs, you’re gonna ask for the “Fresh Maine Lobster Roll” which is priced at a reasonable “MP”. With it come a Lobster Roll, an entire claw, corn, chips/fries and a beautiful bowl of purple coleslaw. Oh yea, and butter, because as if this 2.5lb (guesstimated weight of plate with food) platter wasn’t enough, you can always dip your food in butter.
The Lobster Roll itself was amazing. I have never had anything like this before. My mom accompanied me on this venture a few weeks ago and between the two of us we said maybe a total of 5 words the entire meal; “Woah”, “wow”, and “mmmmmmmm…” and “Fucking amazing!”. The Lobster is cooked to perfection and corn is roasted until each kernel is plump and delicious with just a bit of char to tease you. The coleslaw, made with purple cabbage, is both refreshing and crunchy which is a nice change of pace from the soggy and waterlogged, almost sauerkraut like consistency that coleslaw usually is (I will still murder a bowl of coleslaw even if it isn’t the best). Now the roll… again I will say it, it was amazing.
There was a perfect balance of lobster to mayo. In fact, I’m not even sure it was normal mayo because it didn’t have that traditional mayo-y taste that one would normally have in a jar of Hellman’s. Now I wouldn’t dare ask the guys in the kitchen what is in it because I believe the best food should be a bit of a secret or it wouldn’t be the best. I can observe and taste the celery which is crunchy, the thin slices of purple onion which give it a good bite, the cilantro on top is not for decoration so much as it adds that subtle aroma of herb and some citrus that goes almost unnoticed which is a sign that the Chef put time into this dish.
This plate was the best thing I have eaten from a seafood place in a long time. I have read reviews of this place and they are stellar. Please go here, make a trip just to go here. Order a bottle of house wine and eat this shit, for the love of God, eat this shit and stop being so stuck up about “that one wicked-good place up on the cape near…” I don’t give a shit. Get in your car, grab your fucking ego, and go to Stone Harbor, NJ and eat this fucking lobster roll. Remember, it’s not rocket science, its food porn, bruh.
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